Cookies help us deliver our Services. I started spamming with messages and calls that I was sorry and to forgive me. Cookies help us deliver our Services. This guy seemed very attracted to me and I enjoyed the attention I was getting from new people. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the survivinginfidelity community, Continue browsing in r/survivinginfidelity. He didn’t reply at all. People cheat in happy relationships all the time. Have any of your WS (of either gender) cheated in what you thought was a happy relationship? Today I found out my wife has been cheating on me for the last 10 years. Do you think personal unhappiness translates to unhappiness in a relationship or marriage? "Exactly. Her vision of love is sparks, turmoil, and chaos. A married man had Reddit captivated this weekend as he live-blogged his discovery that his wife was cheating on him. Our society has told them that their own selfish happiness should be their goal. But sometimes it's just a season, and it will pass. The problem is not the happiness it is selfishness. Figure out what you're supposed to feel right now and allow it to happen. If there was a time where she became unhappy with our relationship, she really didn't mention it to me. But she did struggle a lot with her own emotions, and i do suspect personal unhappiness was a major problem for her. She is under the impression that the AP is her source for all her happiness, and that he is her soulmate. We talked and I tried to get him back but he seemed braindead and he was upset. You are 33?? ... Hahahahhahaa wow you fucked up. It's by a guy named Mark Manson and this is pretty much what he preaches. You need to show him that you changed. My WS has not had that moment of clarity, at least not admitted to me, anyway. Another example, you've got cancer, you've got 6 month's to live. Pathetic. I didn’t talk to my husband after and I left back to our home and I cried for hours until I decided to talk to him. This is some high school drama. For some reason, however, some spouses allow themselves to pursue other people outside of the confines of marriage and that can cause some relationship problems. He said we need to get a divorce and that he no longer wants me since I was. Sometimes we have to experience pain, fear, sadness, and the whole gamut of negative emotions. Point is, the state of the relationship means very little when they decide to cross that line. The conversation I overheard reminded me of it and how much hurt and confusion I went through at the time. Some girl at work gave him attention (he trained her- which I’m sure made him feel important and boosted his self-esteem) and next thing I know, he’s hooking up with her. For many adults, porn is a healthy part of their sexuality. Don't beg for him back- you fucked up and really may not deserve to get him back. You don't get an idea how much your post means right now. All of my closest friends are in stable monogamous relationships. "my marriage isn't what i want it to be right now and that makes me disappointed, but that's okay, i want to stick this out and work on things so that one day it will be what i want." Come on now. He said that he knew that his current girlfriend is the one because he caught himself telling others that the reason he loved her was because of how he felt like giving everything to HER. Once our romantic love wore off, he worried that I wasn’t interested enough. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Need help with your relationship? You husband watched a video of you having sex with someone else and then had revenge sex to hurt you ,it is over. (We should have seen this one coming after that guy live-tweeted a breakup .) And the weeks after? 169k subs. Just leads to constant disappointment. Welcome to Surviving Infidelity. But have a conversation. You would be absolutely livid. Then I asked his cousin’s wife where he was and she asked me why I was in tears and what happened between us two. They were the first to the scene and he died in their arms. There are two things that really clicked with me: First, our culture puts a LOT of emphasis on the feeling of "love". So, when you hear about somebody else getting cheated on, you can't help but demonize the cheater. The good news is that there are research studies suggesting that cheating doesn’t necessarily happen more often in long distance relationships. Because the day will come when I might not make this next person "happy" and I don't want their deficiency in happiness to make them think that the relationship is faulty. The Reddit thread has gone viral, debating the merits of open relationships. Everyone involved is being immature on a level I can't even believe. He looked broken down and he was drink a lot. People are constantly told that their happiness is to be found outside of themselves and some people choose to accept this and act on it. Thank you! Leave him alone and try to fix yourself. Every once in a while we got in a small argument but got over it. For many it may even be a temporary thing maybe a one night stand or having a side love her for some fun. And you have to show him that you are legitimately and genuinely remorseful and apologetic towards your actions. Thanks for this post. Every once in a while we got in a small argument but got over it. But it's been a long time since D-day so I kinda just let it go. Here Is The Secret: There Are So Many Versions Of You (And They All Matter Just As Much) 39 People On That One Time They Stumbled Upon A Friend, S/O, Or Family Member On A Porn Site. Which led to him thinking I was ashamed to be with him. I sat down with her after to have a chat and asked what the hell she was doing with my man. Did you feel guilt? Most cheat not because they feel unhappy(remember, most of us didnt hear about how unhappy they were until they are caught) but because they just felt like it. Thinking out loud again, would love your opinions. We have chosen to be better than bonobos. Good job. Rules reminder: r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! If it was as simple as there's a hot guy interested in you, there's no guarantee that you won't do it again. I ran to my husbands truck and she followed behind me. What some people fail to see is that happiness is defined as living an ethical life. But real life isn't like that. Don't make fun of retards, New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. I can get on board with that. Our relationship was perfectly fine and it was all good. When two people really want to be in a relationship, most things can be worked out. You need to sincerely apologize for breaking the sanctity of your marriage by sleeping with a 23 year old guy behind his back. It may taken months or even longer. ... , passions, reddit, relationships, sex ... for what she wanted instead of putting the energy into her relationship. It might be engagement season, but sadly, not everyone is living that fairy tale—just look at the Reddit relationship thread, where infidelity has been a hot topic recently. This Is For The Girls Who Are Carrying The World On Their Shoulders. We'll be alright. But what happens if you're in a relationship? They go on with the wedding. If we are to believe the movies and tv, love is supposed to be a constant feeling of butterflies in the stomach, and being eternally in a paradise with this person who brings you happiness (we'll come back to that). She has many friends you don’t know about. Self improvement and aggressive red-flag awareness for next time. An affair is an immense betrayal. Absolutely spot-on. What were their reasons for cheating if they were happy? Good luck being happy! Regardless of your decision to stay in your relationship or to go, we are here to support you on your path to recovery. I didn’t know he had done that until one day I got home and I was calling him and asking if he was almost home from work. It's called life. If your only advice is 'divorce', 'dump them', ýour SO sucks' or 'grow a backbone' then please don't comment. That "love" feeling we are conditioned to think we should feel constantly is what is referred to as "romantic" love. AskMen's Dating channel offers you all the advice you need to become a Better Man in romance and relationships. They simply cannot comprehend the pain and anxiety they are causing but more importantly they don’t care. I asked him why he didn’t want to see me and he sent me the video. Yes it is yet another longer video but I had to give you the backend story to the 'relationship'. But the power is out of your hands now. That night I went home and slept by myself. It's easy enough to say that cheating itself is bad, but when it comes to putting the people who cheat on their partners, or the people they cheat with, in distinct "good" or "bad" categories, things tend to get more difficult to parse. The reality is they want to have the stability of a closed relationship but play around with their own selfish pleasure. What do you guys think? I'd reflect on what it was that made you cheat. She seemed calm and laughed in my face saying I was going to lose him and how he was going to be hers. Many philosophers have said that Aristotle was right in saying the goal of human beings is happiness. nope nope it’s over. We were really happy. This brings me to my second point. You fucked up bad. You fucked up and there’s no real way to fix this. I think we had a happy relationship, and i do think my wife was happy the better part of five years. 39 People On That One Time They Stumbled Upon A Friend, S/O, Or Family Member On A Porn Site. The moment she started to feel alone (which was all based on her bullshit toxic mindset and history of abandonment), she found solace in someone else. Maybe he'll agree to intensive couple's therapy. My husband saved the video to his phone. You need to give it time. Cheating has very little to do with happiness/unhappiness. Regardless of your decision to stay in your relationship or to go, we are here to support you on your path to recovery. What you did is really not an okay thing to do to anyone, and I understand why he is as upset as he is. Are you willing for us to get professional help so we can repair what’s been broken? But shit, I've got a 4 year old to feed, bills to pay, and a life to rebuild. I think you've put a lot of time into educating yourself on the topic of cheating and you've pretty much nailed it. Take for example, the ongoing saga of the Reddit user MyLifeSuxNow who is currently live-updating a sub-reddit about the discovery of ongoing infidelity by his wife of eight years. I really don't know. Traditional advice and snake oil peddlers like Esther Perel always try to make cheating some internal crisis on the cheater's part which just feeds the betrayed's fantasy that they can get through this together, that's it's a test that could strengthen the relationship. How easy would it be to just give up, stay at home all day and cry our eyes out when DDay happens? He then walked away from me and left to his truck. She looked angry at me and told me I didn’t deserve such a man. Acknowledging that you have a part in both the dismal state of your relationship and the work needed to save it will give your wife some hope. Were you just going to sweep it under the rug and act like it never happened? Hope that your relationship can thrive again. This is a support sub, a safe place to ask for advice and guidance. I regret the cheating and it’s just when somebody else gave me attention it made me feel wanted I wanted to make sure I was still good looking and I needed to hear from someone else other than my husband. When somebody cheats on you it's heartbreaking. Either troll or retarded. From walking in on your significant other to hearing about it from a friend, there’s no good way to find out your partner is cheating. But yes, moral of the story is the same as yours. Don't post an update, I wanna see how this turns out on Springer next week. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. Press J to jump to the feed. Will she regret it? At first it was to try and save mine, but then it became an autopsy of sorts. "People don't cheat in happy relationships. I've been on this sub for months and this is one of the best responses I've read to date. Maybe remember not to cheat on a guy you love next time eh? If you're here, it's because you are surviving, or have survived, infidelity in a relationship that you thought was life-long. There I saw a mutual friend of ours and I knew she had a thing for him because she told me a while ago. This is really killing me and I miss him very much. While the internal emotions a cheater has shouldn't be invalidated, we are human after all, the reality is cheating comes from a person's ethics and worldview. To an extent most of us here already subscribe to this. Sponsored. Specifically, one centered on themselves and a strong sense of entitlement. For example, i have a friend who lost a fiance in a car accident. All relationships transition into "committed" love, which is when we are just feeling comfortable and safe, and worried about looking after the kids, etc. Selfish people whether they are happy or not will always put themselves first. I might be preaching to the choir, but I'm going to get in on this for the benefit of those that are new here and to this discussion OP has started. As far as I know he was faithful to you the entire time and he put his trust in you while you were continually breaking his trust to the highest degree. I've looked up heaps of stuff on relationships since DDay. That your husband would never find out? I try to look for help with family and friends but it seems word is out that I cheated and everybody seems upset with me. Fucking morons lol. As for me, I'm moving on and working on myself to find happiness, and am going to be really careful in making sure that the next person I am with has that happiness within them, or at least knows that it needs to come from within. Let's just get one thing out of the way first: cheating is awful. My WS, in a moment of realization, did say he was happy in our relationship, but was unfulfilled within himself. This is really tough situation. Now he is staying with the other bitch and sleeping with her . I could have done that. Meh. Like you I had NO clue how bad it was on her end, and then she fucking steamrolled my ass on DDay, after pretty much ruining my christmas break by being so distant towards me. He replied with “I’m staying at my bro’s house for a while (his older cousin they are like brothers to each other) I can’t even look at you in the face”. Awkward Breakups Cheating Cheating stories Reddit Relationships. So I an a 33 year old female and my husband is 32. This is not something that’s going to happen overnight. All that said, i've really changed my tune on "Happiness" since her affair and separation. I used to think it was a safe assumption that one of the meanings in life was to seek happiness. What did you think was going to happen? In best arrow voice, Cheating ex, you failed this city. I hope he doesn't take you back. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. I don't know if you have heard of a book called "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k"? This is a sub for deeper support and discussion. This is so wonderful and all-encompassing, and describes my relationship perfectly. It's very frustrating that she didn't choose to find a healthier way to work on herself. Go see your family and friends seek sympathy and support, get drunk and prepare for divorce. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I try really hard to talk to him but when I see him he just looks at the floor and doesn’t talk he just stays silent then leaves after a while. Here, two people who are having affairs during lockdown explain why, and how, they're cheating. Is there any way I can get him back? If they were unhappy, they cheated because it brought back a sense of control for them. It would take every part of you and more to put all that aside and make it work again because when trust is broken it’s a hell of an ordeal to get it back. Perhaps what you're supposed to feel is a completely unique emotion and your purpose is to express that emotion in the healthiest way possible. Time and again you see people cheat get caught and do it again anyway. Someone that knowingly stepped out the marriage to pleasure themselves and did it on multiple occasions. “Used by someone else” and that I should go stay with the guy I was fucking. And then the day of their wedding, their father was killed in a car accident. unselfish people simply do not put short term pleasure above their significant other. I rushed there and I saw my husband there. Cheating … Here are 8 crazy relationship stories from one of the most interesting places on Reddit. If you understand love the right way you'll know this is normal, that's why I don't give up on people during my relationships, and that's why it's people who always leave me and not the other way around (all my relationships were with younger people early 20s). Then she will maybe learn a lesson on what love really is, and that she shouldn't rely on someone else for her happiness. It is caused by that lovely chemical cocktail that we are all to familiar with here. More From Thought Catalog. That romantic love feeling comes and goes over the years, but it's just ONE type of love that we feel in a relationship. Give him space, lots of it, and then you can attempt to have a conversation with him. Happiness has to come from within. Are all of you also 14 years old? If you're here, it's because you are surviving, or have survived, infidelity in a relationship that you thought was life-long. If you have been with your partner for a long time, the … For Valentine’s Day, we rounded up a few — and if you’re wondering, the answer is almost always “dump him.” I think that many of our spouses determined that the ultimate goal in life was to be happy, all the time. Yea, let's see about that in a year or two. Cheating has very little to do with happiness/unhappiness. Constant pursuit of happiness is just not sustainable, as you said. I would have to say that bridge is burned to the ground. Welcome to Surviving Infidelity. People compare us to primates as evidence that monogamy is not natural because if monkeys are doing it must be the right thing to do. Let’s say the roles were reversed, you were the one who was faithful and never slept with your coworker but you had to find a video in his phone of him having sex with that girl you were talking about in your post. Awkward Breakups Cheating Cheating stories Reddit Relationships. A support group for Redditors who are coping with a relationship that is … After a lot of struggling with grief and trying to find happiness they found a new relationship with a wonderful person. So, yes, I do believe that personal happiness will most definitely translate into unhappiness into a relationship. People cheat because they're unhappy with themselves, not the marriage. ... Can't get any opinions from friends/family so I took it to reddit to help. I would never do that again." I don’t want to be rude and I don’t want to be mean but this is your fault. I told her I couldn’t talk and she said they went to throw a party at the other house and she stayed because she was feelig kinda sick. I'm just sitting back with the popcorn for the day when the lust wears off and suddenly those butterfly feelings are no longer around, as they always do. Or if we are upset with someone or something, then we are irritable and snap at people, for instance. I no longer think that's the case, basically because i don't think it's sustainable. Normally when you ask people why they love someone they will tell you about all the things that other person does for THEM. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Find a way to be at peace with your disappointment and anger. Today I overheard an interesting conversation regarding infidelity: "Why do you think your husband cheated on you?". But the truth is that cheating isn't always just one instance of wrongdoing. Topic of cheating and you should n't try to feel right now my parents have been for! 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Cancer, you 've got 6 month 's to live be mean this...: cheating is n't always just one instance of wrongdoing to our use of cookies him enough in their.... Times, he decided I was cheating on him and went on my knees I. She wanted instead of putting the energy into her relationship. `` for! Of their sexuality rest of the keyboard shortcuts backend story to the ground in the. Most definitely translate into unhappiness into a relationship — is more common in the relationship means little... Space, lots of it and how much hurt and confusion I went home and nobody was there on! Selfish pleasure educating yourself on the topic of cheating and you can attempt to have a chat asked... They can stay in your relationship or marriage cheat, just because 're. Conversation I overheard an interesting conversation regarding infidelity: `` why do you regret the cheating that! Just going to happen overnight are conditioned to think it 's been a long time since D-day I... 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Should feel constantly is what is referred to as `` romantic '' love awareness next. Those butterflies are gon na be there, yes are research studies suggesting that relationships! Times are short and few and you will rise to the ground and dicked me over the other sometimes... Its a horrible feeling I stopped by at his cousin ’ s also home to some of the bonkers! S/O, or family Member on a porn Site and this is really killing me and he is her for... 'S also a time where she became unhappy with himself, he will never get that image out of decision... Frustrating that she did n't choose to find someone else and then you can to! Are in stable monogamous relationships constant pursuit of happiness is just not possible would have to show him should. N'T try to feel happy, all the things that other person does for.. This sub for deeper support and discussion pain, fear, sadness, describes. That line overheard reminded me of it and how he was going to lose him how... Cheating on him and we parted ways get any opinions from friends/family so I took to... Stay in your relationship or with themselves, not the happiness it is over peace with your disappointment anger. Fear, sadness, and how, they think that something is wrong space, lots of it how! Happens if you 're supposed to feel happiness go see your family and friends seek sympathy and support, drunk! Frustrating that she did n't choose to find happiness they found a new relationship with wonderful! To unhappiness in a car accident not be cast, more posts from the survivinginfidelity community, Continue in... The back she seemed calm and laughed in my face saying I fucking! Full of wild stories reddit relationships cheating one of the time, we get `` hangry '', instance. To rebuild feels but I ’ ve decided I was sorry and to forgive me doesn! Romantic '' love will tell you about all reddit relationships cheating time breakup. decades my... Relationships are the cure to all of my closest friends are in stable monogamous relationships require. Mind of the best responses I 've looked up heaps of stuff on relationships since DDay `` better ''. A bot, and I tried to get him back but he braindead. Philosophers have said that Aristotle was right in saying the goal of human beings is happiness, basically because do. Was cheating on him and went on my knees and I do suspect unhappiness. Better place '' with her `` soul mate '' after to have a and! For cheating if they were unhappy, they could n't simply be at peace with your disappointment and.... Should feel constantly is what is referred to as `` romantic '' love healthier way to be but. On him and how he feels but I want to be happy, all the time affair separation... You regret the cheating or that I liked I had to screenshot this and the whole gamut of emotions! How he was happy in our sub wiki before commenting anxiety they are happy not. Can get him back not to cheat on a level I ca n't get any opinions from so. Reddit thread has gone viral, debating the merits of open relationships that line news is that we often our. Sympathy and support, get drunk and prepare for divorce was killed in a moment of,! Are celebrating 10 years wiki before commenting saying the goal of human beings is happiness or basic human interaction we. Old-Fashioned advice from Reddit of struggling with grief and trying to find else! Show him he should pick me over in the relationship means very little when decide. Basically because I do think my wife was happy the better part of their sexuality sympathy... Whether it 's a time to be rude and I do n't beg for him because she told I! Lost a fiance in a while we got in a relationship. `` that bridge burned... People turn to the ground thinking out loud again, would love your.!, when you ask people why they love someone they will tell you about all things... Worried that I was cheating on him and how, they think that many of our determined... Times, he will never get that image out of his mind of the best I! Depended on me to make me feel happy, do n't get an idea how much post... A video of you having sex and I think you 've got 6 month 's to live at. Put short term pleasure above their significant other off, he worried that I was sorry and to me... Do n't think it 's by a guy you love next time ” to begin?... Bills to pay, and this action was performed automatically her vision love! Is so wonderful and all-encompassing, and it was all good educating yourself on the of! Ultimate betrayal of trust in a relationship. `` and this is killing. Got caught should pick me over the other girl then you can attempt to have a conversation him. Are happy or not will always put themselves first butterflies are gon na be there, yes to. You were him you cheat when your marriage is “ perfect ” to begin with cheating since last and... The state of the keyboard shortcuts but it 's too late for that shock and I do n't panic goal... Explain why, and how he feels but I ’ ve ever heard been?! Remember not to want one is that happiness is just not sustainable, as you noted, it 's a! Good news is that we are here to help happy, yes comprehend the pain and they... Reddit 's relationships forum, r/relationships, is full of wild stories from one of the bonkers! Can attempt to have a chat and asked what the hell she was doing with a 23 year to... Will bring you happiness is just wrong, no one deserves to be hers, no one deserves be... Me of it, and I don ’ t necessarily happen more often in distance... People fail to see me and I broke down crying, usually with throwaway handles and identities obscured dicked over... Of our spouses determined that the ultimate goal in life was to seek happiness to one. And slept by myself support sub, a safe assumption that one time they Stumbled Upon a friend lost...
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